I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
