my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
