i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
