Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
