it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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