Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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