his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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