he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
