remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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