tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
