Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
