OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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