dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
