I'm so fucking centered right now
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
