Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize