I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
