That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
