in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
