Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
now i know why i became what i already was.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
