you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
