I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
