I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
