The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
