All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
