In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
