she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
time to smoke my breakfast
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
