OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
