Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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