Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
