24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
