u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize