i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
porn star boner night. come get it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
