I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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