She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
