i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
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