K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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