I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
