I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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