She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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