The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My feet surprised me
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