a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
