Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm lost and stupid without you.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize