I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
