I bet he comes in French.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
