Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
