physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
