guys are only as good as the porn they watch
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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