i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
