Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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