she was so not down for the gang bang
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
