he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize