chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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