My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize