Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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