thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
