I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
