And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize