They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
