if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
