this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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