We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
