Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
