It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
