So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
