on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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